Joke S2-061 Practical Jokes

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practical jokes





practical jokes


practical jokes


practical jokes



practical jokes

practical jokes



Practical Jokes

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practical jokes


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The Big Surprise
Man and a girl had been qualitative analysis for a few year and their relationship
was taking a flip towards obtaining serious.
Man projected and he or she accepted, but she told him that she wished him
to know that her chest was a bit like a baby's.
He aforementioned that he dear her which her measurements did not interest him.
He conjointly told her that his phallus was conjointly sort of a baby.
She aforementioned that she dear him and size did not matter.

Come the day of the marriage and every one went well.
That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort edifice.
The red-faced bride was within the toilet golf stroke on a horny intimate apparel.
Her husband was within the bed waiting.
As she entered the room, she reminded him of her confession concerning her chest being sort of a baby.

"Don't worry honey" he aforementioned.
She took her night robe off and her breasts were the tiniest he had ever seen.
He aforementioned that he was about to get undressed and reminded her of his confession concerning his phallus being sort of a baby.

As he took his pants off the new bride aforementioned, "Good God All Mighty.
I thought you aforementioned your phallus was sort of a baby" "It is," he said, "9 pounds and nineteen inches long!"

Lisa Lampanelli rise Jokes

Me and my black young man, Daryl, simply celebrated our biennial day of remembrance. Come on, folks, 2 years -- that is 9 and a 0.5 years in black.

He's not technically a professional, however he is got 3 lawsuits next week.
(about her boyfriend)

With a giant guy, it's good. you usually recognize once they are prepared for sex, 'cause naked, he sounded like one amongst them butterball turkeys with the insufficient pop-up timer.

You know however your guy's underclothing says, 'BVD'? His aforementioned, 'Boulevard.'

He was therefore fat, he used Twinkies for suppositories.

I was sweating like Kathy Lee at a Carrot prime look alike contest

He was a really nice guy, terribly validatory, like Oprah's husband ... Gayle [King] .

Hitler got additional laughs than Jimmy Kimmel, and he did it while not Judaic writers

I see Eddie mythical monster is here tonight, i do not recognize abundant concerning you Eddie, however I do recognize i really like your brothers Damon and Marlon [Wayans]

Betty White is therefore recent that on her initial broadcast ever, the grand prize was fireplace


Margaret Cho rise Jokes

I am the most important fag hag. i really like my gay male friends most. however after I was a trifle lady I invariably needed i'd be perpetually encircled by beautiful guys. And I am. and that i ought to are additional specific.

My favorite show of all time must be Charlie's Angels My hair was therefore feathered, that the rear of my head sounded like a butt.

I verify husbands constant method I verify tattoos. i need one however i am unable to decide what i need and that i don't desire to be cursed  one i am simply about to grow to hate and need to have surgically removed later.

I have not had sex in nearly 2 years. and that i suppose once you hit 2 years, you get your status back i am about to simply need to trick someone into doing it. i am about to need to cowl with leaves and hope someone falls in.

I instructed Sabbath school for 2 years. and that i got dismissed. I abused my authority. I wont to teach category like this, OK, if a new person talks, everyone goes to Hell.

The last guy I went out with, he was with great care -- i do not recognize -- hopeless. He aforementioned if I stony-broke up with him that he would kill himself. and that i stony-broke up with him, however he is not dead nevertheless. i need to decision him up and be like, 'You know, what is the deal? i assumed we tend to had Associate in Nursing agreement.'

We wont to play a drinking game; it absolutely was referred to as 'The Love Boat.' you'd choose a personality within the starting of the show, so whenever that character would return on screen, you'd drink. you may extremely tell WHO the alcoholics were 'cause they were those that were like, 'I wanna be the ship!'

Thankfully, beauty is less complicated to get rid of than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage within the right direction and you're you all over again.

It's like your batteries get low, and you would like to charge them on somebody else's story.

I love medicine, however I hate hangovers, and therefore the emotion of the hangover wins by a landslide each time.

Margaret Cho Quotes

Drunk With Power CD

Then there was this further on the set WHO runs up to Pine Tree State and says, "Oh, i do know you! i do know WHO you is, I seen you before. You that comedienne, Margaret Cho! I saw you at the Comedy Store. You was wearin' a robe and you was bowin'." "No, that is the different one." "Oh, right! currently I bear in mind. I simply did not acknowledge you as a result of you have placed on a trifle weight since your show." And it did not piss Pine Tree State off that she aforementioned that, however it absolutely was that she aforementioned, "You placed on plenty of *gestures* weight!" therefore i will recognize specifically wherever I place it. And it pissed Pine Tree State off, therefore I simply type of talked concerning it to everyone for the full day. successive day I acquire work and therefore the assistant producer comes over to Pine Tree State and says, "Uh, you recognize that woman from the opposite day? Well, don't be concerned. we tend to took care of her." OH my God! What did you do?! Suddenly I felt like i used to be running around like this tyrant, all drunk with power- "Nobody will decision Pine Tree State fat on this set!"

So i used to be drinking spirits, and that i was drinking brandy, that is Italian for fuel, and that i was drinking Jgermeister, that i feel is that the liquid equivalent of marvel Woman's golden lasso, as a result of it'll cause you to tell anybody the reality for no reason any. "You have extremely dangerous skin. Thanks for the drink."

I was functioning on this picture and therefore the makeup creator was with great care ugly! I simply wished to mention "Physician, heal thyself!" She looked specifically like Aaron Neville, and he or she was making an attempt her hardest to create Pine Tree State look specifically like Aaron Neville. This just once, she leaned into my face with the makeup wand nearly touching my eye and he or she says, "Whass my name?"

Something traumatic happened to Pine Tree State after I was younger. i used to be with this recent woman, and he or she was terribly wise, terribly Walker, the colour Purple...she checked out Pine Tree State and he or she says, "Baby...you know I wont to be able to fly however i am unable to fly no additional, baby. But baby, you...? You too fat to fly."

I'm The One That i need Tour

If i am speech a man who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, "Are you a unicorn?"

Thank God for gay men. convey God for gay men, as a result of if it weren't for gay men, i'd not discuss with men in the least.

The best a part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld together with his white hair, and therefore the massive glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he is some reasonably Spanish woman or one thing. and that i verify the fan and i am like, "Bitch, it is not that hot, what'choo doin'?"

One of my initial jobs was on a lesbian cruise. i used to be the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.

Lesbians love whale watching! They fuckin love it! THEY like it over PUSSY! It's any ocean craniate extremely. Whales, manatees, dolphins. they're going crazy for the dolphins. i do not recognize what it is- i feel it is the blowhole.

I slept with a girl on the ship, and later on i used to be thinking, "Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?" so I realized: i am simply slutty. Where's my parade?

I was sport in cervid vale and there is no folks of color up there, and i am up there, skiing, {trying|making Associate in Nursing attempt|attempting} to suit in like an asshole, and that i have a coach and he goes, "Hey, do not take this the incorrect method, however you have got a bent to bow into your skis." Fuck you! so I fell.

Because I wasn't Asian enough- they set to rent Associate in Nursing Asian adviser. as a result of i used to be fucking it up as Associate in Nursing Asian. She would follow Pine Tree State around: "Margaret! Use chopsticks! And once you are done ingestion, you'll be able to place them in your hair. currently you are sporting shoes, that are some things we do not neutralize the house. currently i am simply about to leave this abacus right here..."

I am not gonna die as a result of some network government thought i used to be fat! it is so wrong! it is so wrong that girls square measure asked to measure up to the current skinny ideal that's whole undoable. on behalf of me to be 10 pounds diluent may be a regular job, and that i am handing in my notice and walking out the door!!

The ill-famed C.H.O. Tour

There's a bar in capital referred to as "CC Bloom's." CC Bloom is that the name of the character that Bette Midler compete in Beaches. that's the gayest issue I actually have ever detected in my entire life. That place ought to simply be referred to as "Fuck-Me-In-The-Ass Bar and Grill."

What i really like most concerning gay men is that the method that they're concerning sex. there's a form of fun and frivolity that surrounds gay men and their gender that's not there for straight men and sex. i feel if you are laden over WHO you wish to bonk, once you truly go and have it off, you are gonna have a extremely experience. If you're detested for WHO you wish to fuck, you are gonna kick up your heels and fuck...and it's such an idea to observe.

There's no possible way for ladies to essentially find out about sex in our culture. There square measure articles concerning sex in women's magazines, however that is not the type of data i am when. There was this text in Cosmopolitan concerning "How to appear sensible in bed along with your lover." it absolutely was the following pointers like, "If you set your arm below your breasts they are higher," or "If you are contact your back, your abdomen is flat," or "If you are having anal intercourse, he cannot see your cellulite!" that is wrong, as a result of i buy therefore ugly after I fuck and that i do not care! And if you care what I appear as if once you are fucking Pine Tree State, you mustn't be fucking Pine Tree State within the initial place!!

I urge you all nowadays, particularly nowadays in these times of terrorist act and chaos to like yourselves while not reservation and to like one another while not restraint. Unless you are into leather; then by all suggests that, use restraints.

I can't even verify those "women's magazines" anyway. i really like fashion, however I verify the images of the thin models, and they are sporting garments i am unable to even match on my fingers. and that i verify that and that i suppose, if that's what a girl is meant to appear like, then i have to not be one.

There's no possible way for ladies to essentially find out about sex in our culture. There square measure articles concerning sex in women's magazines, however that is not the type of data i am when. There was this text in Cosmopolitan concerning "How to appear sensible in bed along with your lover." it absolutely was the following pointers like, "If you set your arm below your breasts they are higher," or "If you are contact your back, your abdomen is flat," or "If you are having anal intercourse, he cannot see your cellulite!" that is wrong, as a result of i buy therefore ugly after I fuck and that i do not care! And if you care what I appear as if once you are fucking Pine Tree State, you mustn't be fucking Pine Tree State within the initial place!!

Assassin CD

The method a number of these politicians state sexual practice is extremely insulting. They treat it like it is a unwellness, like being gay is contagious. Being gay isn't contagious. And if you think that that it's, YOU'RE GAY.

The Pope talks most shit. The Pope was castigating the media for creating gays look traditional. YEAH, you are a real sensible decide of traditional, along with your gold dress and your matching gold hat, living it up within the Vatican with five hundred men encircled by the best antiques within the world! Queen, please! you reside like Versace did!

I have had enough of the Pope, the Pope WHO extremely remained, he extremely remained, he wasn't going anyplace, he was simply fucking hanging on, and therefore the press couldn't look forward to him to die. They were simply waiting outside that whole Sabbatum once he died, however he would not die, all day they were simply fucking waiting, like: "He's not dead yet! however he may well be once we come from this commercial!"

"Do not fuck with Bjrk! Bjrk can beat your ass! ... I saw Bjrk beat this woman's ass just once during this videotape. She was within the Bangkok flying field and he or she was pushing her bags cart and this girl came up and simply touched her and Bjrk went (roaring and hissing). And it absolutely was therefore scarey, as a result of you did not expect it in the least, as a result of Bjrk is therefore cute. ... And Bjrk referred to as the lady she attacked later on to apologize. 'I'm terribly sorry i attempted to drag your eyes up over your head. someone should have fed Pine Tree State when time of day.'

I vowed to myself if I ever attend one amongst these award shows i am gonna wear some reasonably a bird. therefore I visited the Grammys last years I had a dress created out of peacock feathers. and that i did not win a Grammy, was named worst dressed. and that is spectacular, as a result of if you win a Grammy you had to simply beat out what, three, four people? however if you are worst dressed you beat fifteen thousand people! I beat The Virgin J. Blige! I beat Lil' Kim!

And particularly, especially, do not fuck with vegans. don't look vegans within the eye. If you get into Associate in Nursing argument with a vegetarian, say "I'm wrong" and run away as quick as you'll be able to. don't fuck with vegans as a result of they'll fuck you up...BECAUSE they are HUNGRY.